What did you just say???

Working with the public on a daily basis is great...but very interesting. There are times when I love it..and times when I absolutley hate it. The summer time is particularly interesting here though. I live(and work) in a city that is a HUGE summer tourist destination. So we see people from allll over the USA as well as the world. It is always my firm belief to provide optimal customer service to each and every customer as if they are your best! However...even I have times when I just shake my head and walk away... a couple of such incidences:
Obnoxious Customer walks in with a pair of shoes in her hands, and places them on the counter in front of me...
Obnoxious customer: Hi I bought these shoes from your store several months ago, and the first time I wore them "THIS" happened.
picture "THIS": a pair of shoes that look as if they were used to "run" the Indy 500, with a slice down the heal, that was so clearly "man made" it couldn't have been disputed in court.
Me: so what is it that I can do to help you?
Obnoxious customer: Well I want my money back for them....I mean I only wore them once....
Me:well, I do apologize you aren't happy with the product, but I do have to tell you that these shoes are REALLY old, we don't even carry them anymore...do you happen to have a receipt? or even the box
Obnoxious customer: No...but you can just give me the cash for them, we don't have to do like a formal return
Me: .....nooo....actually I can't do anything for you with out the receipt or the box...
Obnoxious Customer:.... well I will just buy another pair of shoes, and that way I would have a shoe box, and a receipt!!!(so proud of herself for coming up with this ULTIMATE idea)
me: ....(I am just looking at her like she is CRAZY)....are you serious? Ma'am there is NOTHING I can do for you! Sorry!
Obnoxious customer: DANG....that is the same thing they told me at the last 3 (insert name of company i work for here) stores....
Gotta give it to her for determination! UGH!!!!

Next:

In walks customer over to where I am in the store...
Cowboy customer: Hey, where's the couch?
Me: oh, we don't have a couch but you can sit on the shoe bench if you'd like...
Cowboy customer: No, the Couch store...
Me: ohhh sorry...we don't actually have a couch store at our mall, however there are several furniture stores down closer to the beach on Hwy 17 N.
Cowboy Customer: ( now looking VERRRYYY confused)...no..the couch....(he turns to look at his female companion, who looks as if she doesn't understand a WORD I am saying)...Couch like the pocketbooks and stuff
me:...(LIGHTBULB!!!!) Ohhhh the COACH store....
Cowboy customer: yeah, the Couch store....
me: it's down on the right...
Eiy yi yi! Who knew English could be so difficult

And Last for now:

One of my all time favorite situations though are the people who come up to me and don't speak a WORD of English...and instead of attempting to get across to me in hand gestures what it is they need..they just look at me straight in my face, and speak in a language I can't even recognize.....and when I look at them and say Sorry I don't understand you, they then speak louder and more adamantly in unknown language....when I then say....I don't know what you are saying(louder and more adamantly).....they are now red faced and YELLING at me in unknown language, that I am supposed to know....at this point I just walk away....leaving a customer angry at ME...and rightfully so....I mean doesn't EVERYONE know every spoken language on EARTH?